In my university years, I actually remember saying, that I never wanted children. No, too focused on obtaining a career. My thoughts were turned towards establishing myself, academically, financially and materialistically. At that time, I thought children would hinder my fulfillment of self.
It wasn’t until sometime later when we were married a few years, that God planted something in my heart. We were in church and I was listening to the Pastor tell the children a story. He had brought them all up to the front of the sanctuary to share this story with them right before they left for children’s church. I watched in adoration the beautiful, little ones listening so intently and right then and there God whispered in my ear the desire—my very own heart’s desire to be a Mom.
This desire had time to penetrate, sow and establish roots in my heart through years of infertility. A desire that was unquenchable.
What had changed my mind? What had penetrated my heart? Why?
Why had something undesirable become so, very desirable?
I do not have the answers to these questions. I only know that the change occurred.
I only know the ‘Who’ to whom I asked these questions.
It seemed that as I grew in my relationship with the Lord, He changed me from self focus to focusing outside of self. That it wasn’t just about me anymore. That there was more; more He needed me to see.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus;
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!’ (Philippians 2:3-8)
p.s. Our story of how God met that desire is nothing short of a miracle (or two) right here on Earth; to be shared at a later date.
Dear Heavenly and Gracious Father,
Oh God, change us and mold us, we cry! We want to be different! We want Your way for our lives and those You have blessed us with. Help us to lay down our selfish desires; to humble ourselves and follow Jesus’ example. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.