Mandy’s post— Losing Aubrey.

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4

It was February 2011, my husband and I had agreed on trying for a third baby a few months prior and we were thrilled to death with the confirmation of our third pregnancy. We were already deciding on baby room renovations, baby names and wondered what Ben and Sophie would think about having a new little brother or sister.

We had shared the exciting news with our parents and siblings as well as our dear friends Moe & Janet. We were about 9 weeks along and had decided that we would make the big announcement to the rest of our family and friends in just a few more weeks!

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We went out for dinner with some friends on March 5, 2011. Several couples met together at an Italian restaurant that stormy Saturday night. I hadn’t been feeling well that day and carried around a yucky feeling that something just wasn’t right. We left our dinner and headed over to our friend Nancy’s home for dessert. While there, I noticed that I had started bleeding….this was absolutely terrifying to me. I know some people have bleeding during pregnancy (and that it can be normal) but neither of my pregnancies for Ben or Sophie had any amount of bleeding at all. This increased my feeling that something was wrong.

We left the party and headed home during what was turning out to be quite a brutal winter storm. I started to have pain on the trek home and realized just a few moments after walking through the door that I wasn’t just bleeding lightly anymore, I was bleeding bad. Real bad. My husband and I decided together that it was important to go to the hospital at this point. It is there that we spent the entire night waiting for a blood test result that confirmed we had indeed lost our precious baby.

“Your pregnancy is no longer viable” the doctor said. No, he did not say ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ nor did he share the gut-wrenching news in the presence of my husband. I was all alone, in a sterile emergency room, living in the reality of my worst nightmare.

We decided to give a name to our precious little one; the name ‘Aubrey’. We gave this baby a name because no matter how small her life may have been she mattered to us. We already loved her deeply. Loosing her was one of the most painful experiences my husband and I have ever endured together as a married couple; as parents; as friends.

We want our children to know that her loss was every bit as real to us as the death of someone who we have known for many years. We also want our children to know the awesome comfort that God has brought to us through his presence and healing. We want them to know that we do not grieve without a hope; that God did not leave us even for one moment. He came alongside us in our deepest grief and comforted us in ways that only He can. We want them to know that we can move forward knowing that there will be a day when “He will wipe every tear from {our} eyes {forever}. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things {will have} passed away.” Revelation 21:4

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Before welcoming our third child, Spencer, into our lives in 2012 we lost another baby whom we have named: Bailey. Our God proved to be nothing less than faithful during this second loss as well. Loss is never easy, but I am so very glad I serve the God that brings healing and renews joy. I am so thankful I serve the God who will gently hold those precious lives we’ve lost in the palm of his big strong hands.

Thank you, Jesus, for life. Thank you, Jesus, for your comforting presence and healing. Thank you that you never leave us alone in times of sorrow; instead you give us a rich hope to cling to that one day there will be no more tears, no more pain, and no more death. I pray for my sister{s} that are experiencing or have experienced the loss of a baby. Please comfort them, Jesus, in ways that only you are capable of. Renew their dreams and remind them of the truth that you hold the keys to death; that one day there will be no more. Help them to carry on with the truth that you have great plans for them; plans for a life with hope and a bright future. I pray this in your name, Amen.

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4 comments

  1. The only coment I can make is that my heart broke for you then, first because I know how much you loved and wanted those children, secondly and more so for me, I needed to be there with you, to hold you in my arms and tell you how much I loved and needed you and that it was going to be ok!. But because of so many physical miles between us that could not happen and so I had to trust God to be the Heavenly Father I knew he would be, and the earthy Father you needed him to be (in my absence) and just like our wonderful, faithful, loving God, he was all you needed and more – and beyond that – he was all I needed as well! I hurt and grieved like they were my own, because they were, through you. But God, he is so faithful! He wipes all our tears away, because he loves and wants each and everyone of us! Praise His Name!!
    I love you more than you will ever know Mandy – with all my heart!! xoxoxo

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  2. I usually read these posts at work and don’ t have time to comment, but I decided not to finish this one at home, as the tears started to come, lol. I remember those 2 days well. There is nothing worse than being so far away from a loved one in their time of need. The many miles that keep us apart seem aweful in times like that. Makes us feel so helpless at times, when really we just want to be there , hug you and help out in any way possible. Not being able to be there in person ,I prayed God would put His loving arms around you and comfort you and give you a peace that passes all understanding. Really! What do you say in a time like that. I am truely thankful for Gods hand upon your lives through those difficult times. Also thankful for the family of God that always is there for you in your times of need and heartache, when we can’t be ! God is so faithful! And what an awesome day it will be when you get to heaven and see those 2 little precious faces for the very first time! Picture it!!! Awesome!!! Again God is so good!! Love you Honey. Xoxoxo

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