{Marriage} When-Then!

By: Mandy Hill

“For you give me confidence, O Lord; O Lord, I have trusted in you since I was young.” Psalm 71:5

I can remember back to a day when I was about 5 years old. My parents owned a sound system which included a radio, a record player and two cassette tape players. Now, before you young people start gasping…..CD’s came out only a year or two later! Relax!

My favourite record that my parents owned was called ‘Bull-frogs and butterflies: By Psalty!’ It was an upbeat and jingly album and I loved every song on it. This one particular day however the record player broke. (Probably why they phased this mode of music out, lol!) This devastated me completely! What was I to dance, sing and jump around to?

My mom encouraged me to pray and ask God to fix it. With my child like faith I kneeled down by my couch and for the first time (that I can remember) I prayed my heart out to God. “Please, Jesus, please fix the player so that I can enjoy my songs today! Please Jesus, Amen.”

My mom then tried the stereo again and it worked!! I was so excited! God had answered my prayers!! That day I found my worth in a God who HEARD my cries. Of course, I grew older and culture added its opinion to my mind of what made me worthy: my appearance, my style, whether or not I found myself in a fairy tale relationship being loved unconditionally by Prince Charming.

Several years later, I was having a conversation with my Dad shortly after starting junior high school. Everything had changed….the expectation to ‘fit in’ and be popular was overwhelming. I remember my wise father bringing me for a walk down what was formerly known as ‘west end mall’ one Friday night. We walked into the Christian book store that day and he showed me the meaning of my name:

Mandy“Worthy of love.”

That night he told me that God made me and he made me worthy of love. He shared that it didn’t matter who loved me on this earth, whether I was popular or whether I was a reject. Jesus made me and he loved me so much.

As a woman, wife and mother, I often find myself feeling UNworthy. Do you feel this way sometimes, sister? Do you look for worth in a job, in your husband, in your kids, or in your friendships? I think my biggest insecurity is found when I search for my worth in how much my husband loves me.

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I mentioned on Monday that I am taking part in an online bible study by Renee Swope called #AConfidentHeart! This week we are diving into chapter three and I love the truths that Renee has spoken straight into my heart. She says “So what do we do when our hearts start tossing and turning with emptiness and uncertainty? We need to stop and ask Jesus to help us see the worth we are placing on other things and the worth we are seeking in other people. One thing that has helped me is to write when-then statements. For example:

When I start to measure my value by how well I am doing as a WIFE, THEN I will thank GOD for the gift of my roles and for the gift of HIS unconditional love that determines my worth.

When I feel insecure about my role as a WIFE, THEN I will thank God for the high or low position I have on earth and [more so] for my position in Christ that secures my significance forever!” [A Confident Heart, pg. 60]

I found this exercise to be quite helpful! Here is a when-then statement that I have written myself:

When I start to doubt that I am worthy of love and place unrealistic expectations on my husband to provide the solution to this artificial deficiency, THEN I will remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that God himself knit me together in my mother’s womb; designing me to be WORTHY OF LOVE.

Sister, whether you feel it to be true or not, YOU are worthy of love. Seek to find your worth in our God that is most certainly capable of filling and fulfilling every one of your empty places. Be confident in your worth and secure in his love.

What would your when-then statement look like? Feel free to share it with us here in the comment section.

Father God, thank you for hearing my cries when I was just five years old. Thank you for those milestone moments in my faith that point to the very fact that my confidence is in you and you alone. I ask for forgiveness for sometimes looking to my husband or other things to validate my significance or my worth. Thank you that my position in you as a believer secures my significance and my worth forever. I pray for my sisters who are out there feeling unworthy of love. Jesus, please reach down your hand and bring healing to their heart, right now, in this very moment. Reveal to them in a new and fresh way your unconditional love for them. Remind us daily God that WE are YOUR daughters and we are worthy of your love. We love you so much, God, Amen. image

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20 comments

  1. I know you shouldn’t (because I know you) but you still amaze me!! I am so proud to be your earthly father and to have share a small part in placing you here on this earth for our God to use in such a magnificent and powerful way! I am so thankful that the abundance of talent that God chose to give to you, you in turn use them to Glorify God! I am honoured to be your Dad!!! I love you lots – xoxoxo

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  2. And to clarify when I wrote I know you shouldn’t amaze me because I know you – I meant because I know your so amazing I shouldn’t be surprised! It’s hard to think and type with tears of pride and joy in you heart and eyes!! I love you Honey, xoxoxo

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    • I think so many woman put those expectations on their husbands….I’m so thankful for Gods faithfulness in showing me that I don’t have to keep being this way; He is ALL I need 🙂 Thanks for reading!

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  3. Wow, first of all, your dad rocks! Second, I had that record too, and I ordered the cd for my kids when they were babes! so much fun! Thank you for the awesome blog today 🙂 I love your when, then statement!

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  4. Thank you so much for your post…I have had a rough week as a mommy and wife. It is nice to know that others are challenged as well and that our God is there and understanding!

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  5. Oh how it love honest sisters in Christ. Thanks for the reminder about putting expectations on others. Now I just need to live it out!

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