In His divine plan for us, adoption was introduced. I immediately knew that I knew that this was our path. With the idea of adoption my peace was restored; my hope was renewed…..
Our waiting was over…..
It was time to deliver…..
I’ll never forget the day our social worker called and said, “Cindy I have something to talk to you about.” My heart raced I knew this was the answer to our prayers. She said, “There is a birth Mom who is about to give birth to a healthy, baby and she has chosen you as the parents.”
Those were the words I was waiting to hear.
We met our baby boy in hospital, when his Mother handed him to us and said, “Happy Father’s Day.” He was beautiful! You can only imagine the emotion that filled the room that day.
We brought him home and the joy that filled our lives was incredible, we celebrated like we have never celebrated before. There were countless cards, calls, and flowers. Family, friends, and neighbours came to visit and brought gifts of blessing! I couldn’t believe how the Lord had filled my heart’s desire. This is Your plan Lord! Now it all makes sense!!
On the 8th day of this little, precious life; the day the birth Mom signs the initial legal documents for adoption, we received a phone call. As I embraced this baby boy and heard my Husband sobbing and asking why, I knew that this would be the last time that I held him.
I hadn’t come this close to this kind of loss. Nothing, I had ever experienced before, could compare to the loss I had felt.
Why? You might be wondering?
Here I go again, putting myself at risk and being honest and vulnerable with you.
Because I thought this was my Heavenly Father’s doing. That He had met my heart’s desire to only take it away. Who could I trust? Here we were trusting and believing in the Lord and attempting to follow His will for us. We had prayed that the doors would be closed way before this happening but the doors remained open.
I remember the social worker coming, I held strong and my husband and I prayed over him for his protection, spiritually, and physically. I placed him in the car seat, it was my last duty as his Mom and we watched as he left. I knew that I was left in a dark, desperate, and lonely valley.
Are you with me?
Can you read on with me?
In that valley, my Abba, Father met me and those feelings of betrayal were fleeting. The Lord had more to show us. He gently asked—Do you really trust Me? Do you really know how much I love you? Do you really believe in My promises for you? Do you really have faith in Me? Do you still hope that I can meet your very heart’s desire? Cindy, my daughter; Sal, my son, come to Me, yet even closer.
He allowed us to mourn. He met us in practical ways by providing us with each other and the support from our family, friends, church family, with calls and cards of love. It was amazing to find out as time passed of individuals that had been praying for us—people that we didn’t even know.
Shortly after our loss, my husband and I went away for a few days. We needed to get away from our home with its constant reminders of our loss. We needed to put the baby’s things away and break the routine we had begun with his care; like 3 am feedings.
While away, on the Wednesday night we stopped at a church for their mid-week service. Sitting down, I noticed a leftover copy of their last Sunday’s bulletin. My eye was drawn to the scripture verse printed inside. I do not honestly recall if anyone spoke to us that evening, but I can distinctly remember and will never forget the divinely inspired scripture.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
Oh, some pain eased and some healing began.
I eventually came to a point where I accepted God’s plan. I stopped questioning why He would bring us that far only for it to not work out. I realized that His will was for us to have that precious, little boy for that short period of time. I don’t know why and may never know. And more importantly, God had brought me to a place where I didn’t need to know. All I needed to know was that He had not forsaken me, He truly loves me and He can and will meet my heart’s desire, according to His will and His plan and in His time.
There is hope in the journey…..
God needed an opportunity to reveal Himself and work on our behalf. He was responding…..
To be continued…..
Dear Heavenly and Gracious Father,
Lord, God, I remember. I remember this incredibly difficult time, although the pain is now difficult to find for You have healed me. I remember that although I doubted You, You never left me; ever. That although I questioned You time and time again and lacked faith; You never failed to show Your love for me. Lord, God I pray for our readers and I pray Jesus for anyone experiencing such loss that they would turn to You in holy reverence. That truth would sink deep into their hearts. That You do have plans for us. Plans to prosper us and to give us a hope and a future. That You do not harm us. Thank You Lord God for Your unfailing love. In Jesus’ name. Amen.