by Cindy Morrone
Do you too find it hard to share the ‘messy’ with your husband, like I do? Or more accurately perhaps, do you struggle when he shares his ‘messy’ with you, like I do?
It seems that I can talk and talk and talk and share and share and share my woes freely and openly with him without even being asked. As a matter of fact, I have to make a conscious effort sometimes to say, “Hi, how are you?” before I begin my tantrum.
Perhaps he sees this sharing as an invitation to then also share. Because the dreadful then happens….., he actually shares with me.
Shares….allows me to participate or experience jointly.
I see and hear his struggles, his sin, his secrets, his ‘mess’ and I can barely stand it. I can barely heed it.
Why? Why am I surprised? Worried? Why am I not ok with meeting my husband where he is at and snuggling in comfy blankets with coffee in hand in our meeting room; sitting at our Father’s feet?
I am learning….. and the Lord is teaching me.
And now I am convinced that it is only when we tear down our facades and share in the imperfect, that Jesus can come in and truly makes us one. That’s the beauty of marriage. Being so intimate with someone that we are encouraged to share in our ‘messes’. So we can pray for one another and with one another; come alongside as a united front. A trusted confidant, so close that grace abounds!
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” (James 5:16)
Here are some realizations from scripture that have helped me to understand the ‘messy’ in my husband:
• We all mess up and sin. We all fall short of the glory of God. Why then am I surprised or taken aback when my husband does? ”This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” (Romans 3: 22 & 23)
• That we all battle “against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Ephesians 6:12) That my spouse’s battle is his against such forces. So many times I have assumed his battle and made it about ‘us’ and our marriage. It is only when I remember this Truth that I can help him in the battle.
• It is not my responsibility to ‘fix’ my husband. Oh, believe me I have tried and I just don’t have what it takes! But God does! “Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing. Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God, the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them—the LORD, who remains faithful forever.” (Psalm 146: 3-6)
• That God’s kind of love is unconditional and that with the love of God, I can love my husband without condition. Love ….”keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13: 5)
• There is always hope and the battle will be won, victoriously!! Just as the Lord heals me and continues to draw me nearer and nearer to Him; so He does the same for my husband. “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” (Romans 8:37)
So here’s to ‘messy’ marriage blankets!
Share away husband, share away and with God’s help I will hold your hand as we bring our petitions to the throne of grace as a united front!
Dear Heavenly and Gracious Father,
Thank You Lord for the gift of marriage. Lord God help us to respect one another and be compassionate and kind so we can truly help each other when the battle is raging. When we share with one another, help us to really listen so the other knows a safe place. Lord, God give us the wisdom to direct them to You and Your holy Truth. Forgive us Lord for any choices that tend towards separation instead of reconciliation and redemption. Help us to love like You do; sacrificially and unconditionally. And in the midst of it all help us to remember that You have already won the battle and in You there is always hope. We pray these things in Your Son’s holy and precious name. Amen.