{Marriage} To speak or not to speak?

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by Cindy Morrone

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
“…a time to be silent and a time to speak,” (vs. 7)

My husband and I have really been understanding the importance of and learning how to “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 4:2) For as we carry each other’s burdens, we are loving on them. That we carry when we share our struggles, complaints, and worries with each other and in this way we are loving on each other. But oftentimes the sharing is really difficult.

It’s so hard for me to know if I should say certain things to my husband. Do I say it or keep it to myself? Do I tell him again how much I ‘hate’ (or rather ‘dislike’) it when he leaves his dirty, plastic container in the sink, without even rinsing it out, because it reeks of yesterday’s lunch? Do I share with him perceived offenses?

I toil over these thoughts.

Sometimes, I don’t say anything and sometimes that is the best decision. Really, need I worry about a dirty dish? Sometimes, I don’t say anything and it only allows festering and misperceptions that boil over and break through a dam that can no longer hold. Sometimes I spew my thoughts laced with selfish motives, fear, insecurities and doubts only wreaking havoc on our unity. And sometimes I get it right and, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, ….grow up into him who is the Head.” (Ephesians 4:15)

I am so thankful we are not alone in this decision making for our Father has said, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” (Psalm 32:8) All we need to do is ask Him and He will let us know when, where and how to share with our loved ones.

I am also so thankful the Word gives us specifics on how to share when it is the right time. That when we share we do so in love; speaking the truth in love (Galatians 4:2). Remembering what love looks like as described in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-9. That love is patient, kind, does not envy or boast, is not proud, is not rude or self-seeking, is not easily angered and keeps no records of wrongs. That love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth and it always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres.

Oh, and one more thing and it’s a biggie for me!! When it’s his time to share that I be, “….quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” (James 1:19). Listening to my husband’s concerns, complaints and worries about me is still sharing. And when he shares I know that I am not always a ‘safe’ place for him. I can be anything but slow to speak and become angry. (Forgive me Lord and show me Your ways. Amen)

Dear Heavenly and Gracious Father,
Thank You for the gift of marriage; that we are able to share burdens with one another and we are not alone. God, I am truly understanding the importance of Your way and how deep, honest sharing with one another is essential to a healthy marriage. It’s so hard sometimes Lord to share; to be open and honest and even harder to speak the truth in love. Forgive us Lord for our selfish ways and motives and we ask that You instruct, counsel and lead us, in our marriages. We pray these things in Your Son’s holy and precious name. Amen.

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