{Marriage} Replacing the ‘fix-him’ mentality with a ‘love-him’ mentality.

By: Mandy Hill

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favour—since they’re already “one” in marriage. (Ephesians 5:25-28)

My husband and I have been married for nearly ten years now. Not every day has been marital bliss, in fact, some days have seemed almost torturous at times. However, when I look back on those torturous times- I find commonality. You see, the majority of the times I have concluded to be ‘bad times’ have been so because of my inability to accept my husband for who he really is; for how he shows his love for me, and minor personality differences.

Sure, acceptance has increased over the years, but there are undoubtedly times when I still struggle with this. When my husband does not meet my expectations, when he does something that irritates me, or even when we disagree…..the reality is that our love has never stopped beating for each other; instead, our flesh has simply found disconnect.

I often enter a narrow tunnel where I feel like I can ‘fix’ him. All those little idiosyncrasies become giants and I somehow grasp the notion that, as his wife, I can change him for the better. I am learning however that my job is not to fix anything at all. (Shocker, I know.) Rather, my role as Nathan’s wife is simply to love him. To respect him. To be his support and his partner.

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When I read over the scripture from Ephesians 5:25-28: (“Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favour—since they’re already “one” in marriage.”) I am absolutely floored by just how incredibly good God is to me. My husband, in his way, does go all out in love for me. His love is marked by giving, not necessarily getting. His words more often than not do evoke my beauty. And he lives his life with myself and our family in mind; giving us everything he’s got.

I am blessed with a wonderful husband. Not a husband I need to fix at all, but one that is most worthy of every ounce of love I have to offer!

Do you feel that sometimes you spend more time trying to ‘fix’ your man, than you do truly loving him? How can you show him your love today, and in the days ahead?

Heavenly and most gracious Father, thank You for not ever holding back on revealing the truth to me. Truth that speaks peace to my heart, if only I choose to grasp it and learn from it. Thank You that You are not a God that sits back allowing us to remain stuck in our own blurred realities, but rather, for being a God who seeks to give us the very best. I pray that You will speak to my sisters who are feeling stuck today, show them how they can experience the peace You have so beautifully given to me. Bless you, Jesus, amen.

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3 comments

  1. OUCH! I have often been that wife trying to fix my husband. Trying to make him love me like I wanted to be love. Then I read a scripture that say Christ is our true husband (2 Cor. 11:2). I needed to seek love in Christ and not expect that from a man who is frail just like me.
    This was a beautiful blog. Thank you for writing from your heart.

    Blessings,
    Barbara (Proverbs 31 OBS Volunteer)

    Like

  2. I’m learning to do that for myself and my father. I don’t want to marry my father or go the complete opposite. I want to learn how to do this so that if I am found as a good thing, as a wife, I can willing to let things go for myself and for others in my life as needed.

    Like

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