Written by: Rev. Nathan Hill
There is a scene in the movie Contagion where Matt Daemon looses his wife (Gwyneth Paltrow) to the deadly contagious disease that eventually infected 1 in 12 people across the world. The doctor is explaining to Daemon that his wife has just died; they did all they could to save her but her heart just could not keep up with the virus that was racing throughout her body. Daemon’s repose to all of this was: “…when can I go talk to her?”.
While this may have been a source of comic relief in a film that had some intense moments, this was also quite an accurate portrayal of the emotions that many people feel when they are grieving. Denial is common; so is anger, and Daemon exhibited that not too long after his somewhat ridiculous request to speak with his dead wife. In fact, those who study human behavior have stated that denial, anger, bargaining, depression and eventually acceptance are all ways that we as humans respond to grief.
A few years ago the junior high students explored the friendship between Jonathan and David from the book of 1 Samuel in the Old Testament of the Bible. Jonathan’s father (King Saul) was opposed to this friendship for a variety of reasons and eventually caused the friendship to be completely severed…or else he was going to kill David. Jonathan and David express some of the classic behaviors of grief as they journey though this difficult time. As time passed and Jonathan realized that it would not be safe for David to return to their land he discreetly sent a message to David telling him to leave forever. The two friends hugged, cried and then eventually accepted the reality of the situation and departed each in their own direction. Much later on when messengers came to tell David that Jonathan and his father Saul had been killed in battle David asked, “How do you know?” Once David realized that he could not deny his friend’s death any longer he became angry and killed the messenger that brought the bad news…(ever hear the expression, “don’t kill the messenger”?)
There are a variety of emotions that will accompany grief, especially if you are experiencing a significant loss in your life for the first time. Many of these emotions are normal for a season of time and when kept in proportion to the loss experienced. (In your anger it is never right to kill or injure…David was not acting as a great example of faith in this example).
The most important thing to realize with grief is that you can express these things that you are feeling and that they will pass once you are able to accept the loss. Everyone grieves at a different rate but you can hold onto the truth that you will emerge on the other side with the help of God and the help of your friends. If you are grieving right now there is no need to grieve alone; speak with your friends, family, a counsellor or others that you trust.
Galatians 6:2 “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Hebrews 4:15 “This High Priest of ours (Jesus) understands our weakness, for he faced all the same testing we do, yet he did not sin.”