Written by: Melissa Lefevers
My mind was busy and my heart very heavy. As I went along with cooking dinner I wondered and whispered, “how can I help Lord? How can I help those who are struggling in their marriage?” God is so good and simply reminded me with a simple email. I received our weekly email from our Children’s ministry and the memory verse was exactly what I needed to hear.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.” Philippians 4:6
Yes, this is how we can fight for those we love and the ones that need someone to fight for them. This is how we can fight for our own marriage. We so often pray for healing of a disease, or for our children, or a good parking spot at the mall. (You know you have done it before!) However, can we honestly say our knees are raw from praying over our marriage and the marriage of others?
Ladies and I am not talking about praying that God would change our man. I feel the danger we have, myself included, is we have this image in our mind of what marriage is supposed to be and then when our poor husband can’t even begin to measure up – we get frustrated. We decide he is not getting it when we really never told him what he was supposed to be getting in the first place. So…..we pray that God would tell him in a vision. We pray that God might change our man from a couch-sitting, remote-junkie to an athletic man who runs marathons. We pray that God would make him a little more sensitive and somehow he would just know that on certain days of the month lots of chocolate and no talking from him is needed.
Can I be blunt? It’s not fair. It’s not fair to our man for us to pray for him to change and yet we do nothing to change the situation ourselves.
Something amazing happened in my marriage about two years ago. I was so frustrated and felt like everything needed to change. Nothing major was going on – it was just the small things. For instance; why won’t he pick up his socks off the floor next to the bed? Why did he have to leave the toothpaste on his side of the sink? Why couldn’t he get the subtle hint I was leaving that I was exhausted and needed a little help? My favorite one; at the end of the day when the kids went to bed all I wanted to do was sit on the sofa, ALONE. Nothing personal I just need a little space after being a child’s personal jungle gym all day.
All the little things built up, like they had done many times before, but this time I didn’t explode. I decided maybe I should just pray about this.
The “this” being MY heart.
I prayed “Lord, show me where I am lacking. Lord, show me where I can love him more. Lord, please change my heart so that I can know You more and then love my husband better.”
Then did you see that? Then. I found that I loved my man better, deep, and fuller when I started praying that prayer. I saw him in a new way. I saw him as a broken man in need of daily grace. Just like me. I am not perfect and somewhere along the way I thought my man needed to be. I was only able to see this after I took my eyes off myself – and put them on Jesus.
You see God changed me! GASP! I know you were thinking I was going to give you a formula on how to fix him, sorry. Is my husband fixed? Nope. Is my marriage perfect? Not a chance. There are socks that I pick up off the floor every morning and now I am smiling because it’s just who he is. God showed me I do not have to fix him, just fix my eyes on HIM. When our eyes are on Jesus he takes care of the rest.
Will you be bold and courageous with me? Will you choose today to fight with me? Will you fight for your marriage and the marriage of the ones you love? Let us not be a people who are anxious about anything but a people who bring everything to the Lord.