By Cindy Morrone
It’s late and we are exhausted. We have been trying to come to some resolution. Somehow, somewhere the fight was lost and we came against each other.
We are discovering that our most intense marriage battles have been rooted in fear. The nights when we have difficulty sleeping and when we can’t move past the struggle easily; it is because unrelenting fears have fueled the conflict.
She thinks: Will he chose to provide? Will he choose the right thing? Will he chose the right thing because he wants too? Because he adores and loves me? And if he doesn’t? Will he fight for me; fight for us? Will he take care of us? Or will he walk away?
He thinks: Does she really support me? Does she believe in me? And if she doesn’t? Does she respect me even when I am not perfect? Respect and love me for me; just as I am? Or am I not wanted; not worthy?
How does this happen? Where do these questions come from?
Doubt has entered….
We somehow interpret the miscommunication or unintentional act as a confirmation of our biggest uncertainty. As the thoughts swirl; they gain momentum until they are assumed.
Then, we start to answer the questions…..with lies.
We have an enemy.
Jesus tells us in John 8:44 that the devil “…was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”
It started a long time ago with a married couple named Adam and Eve. This crafty serpent entertained this couple with doubt; doubt in their God. We all know the rest of the story.
Our story can be different.
What if….. we invited Jesus in.
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 1:18)
1 Corinthians 13:6 says, “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”
What if….. we remembered the truth.
What if we stopped those untamed thoughts against our spouse and brought any doubts to our Almighty God. For He is the only one that can cover our fears. It’s amazing how the perspective is changed when Jesus is invited into the bedroom.
She and He thinks:
“Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.
How priceless is your unfailing love!
Both high and low amoung men
find refuge in the shadow or your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light. (Psalm 36:5-9)
What if….. we remembered that we are privileged to share this life with our spouse and to extend God’s kind of love towards each other.
Perhaps we would get more sleep!!
Dear Heavenly and Gracious Father,Thank you for the gift of marriage, to live this life with our best friends. To hold each other up when the battle is raging. Help us Jesus. Help us the next time a miscommunication or unintentional act is made; to not go to assumptions that are untrue. Help us to discern truth, right there in that moment by Your wisdom. Help us to really hear each other and to only speak truth to our spouse. Help us to lift each other up to You! Help us to lay aside ourselves and instead truly meet our spouse’s needs. Oh, God it’s possible because of Your Son, Jesus Christ, He made a way!!!! Amen.